• 100 Days Project
  • Sorting Sh*t Out – Day 88

    Miss Six’s Photos

    Things I did today:

    – Cleaned walls and ceilings and removed approximately 58 layers of dust from the top of my tumble dryer

    – Consumed half a bucket of Christmas cookies

    – Tried to make an advent calendar

    – Got my nails done

    – Shopped and ate and laughed with my BFF

    – Visited my parents

    – Bummed around on the internet

    – Sorted sh*t out

    img_0874

    The sh*t sorting was especially fun because I was in an especially good mood. I was in an especially good mood because best friends + pretty nails + shopping + a full tummy = happy Fern. Happy Fern is the best kind of Fern. Happy Fern gets on with things.

    img_0875

    See?

    Miss Six is going to be happy too.

    – Fern xxx

     

  • 100 Days Project
  • Sorting Sh*t Out – Day 87

    Mr. Three’s Photos

    Mr. Three is pretty bloody lucky that I still have energy for him after the way my afternoon played out. I will spare you the details, but let’s just say that making your own advent calendars to save on money is never a good idea. Just spend the money. Have the advent calendar delivered to your door. By the time it arrives you’ll have forgotten how much it cost you anyway, and you’ll just be happy. Trust me. So happy.

    But anyway. I am still here. And I am still (relatively) happy. But that’s mostly because I am wearing my new denim shortie overalls today, and I am feeling very cute. And then the husband got home from work and he actually said that he thought I looked very cute. And holy cow, that’s a big deal, because he almost never tells me I look cute. So all in all today is kind of great.

    img_0868

    Actually, it’s really great because Mr. Three no longer has a jumbled up envelope full of photos. He now has a chronologically ordered album of photos. And when I gave it to him to look at he pointed at every picture of himself and said, Morry, Morry, Morry. Which I thought was very cute, particularly because he said, Ernest, Ernest, Ernest, when he pointed at the photos of his brother, even though the baby’s nickname is more official than his full proper name (and vice versa for Mr. Three).

    img_0872

    This is what his album looks like. The photo on the front is weird, but I had two copies of that picture for some reason. I can’t even remember him looking like that…

    img_0873

    – Fern xxx

  • 100 Days Project
  • Sorting Sh*t Out – Day 86

    The Baby’s Photos

    I blame modern technology for how useless I am with photos. I take photos and I forget to print them. Then when I do remember to print them, I forget to do anything with them. They just sit. They sit on a shelf, or in a drawer, or in a cupboard, and every now and then I find them and think to myself, One day I will put them in an album.

    img_0866

    Well guess what… Today is one day. The one day.

    img_0867

    See? The pile is gone, and the album is no longer wrapped up in plastic. Aren’t I good?!

    Okay, the truth is I’m not that good, because I purposely chose to start with the baby because he is the fourth child and that means I only had about six photos for him. No doubt I will leave the Biggest Kid’s album until last because she was the first child and that means I only have about a million photos for her.

    First time parents are so OTT like that.

    – Fern xxx

  • 100 Days Project
  • Sorting Sh*t Out – Day 85

    The Top of The Biggest Kid’s Wardrobe

    Halfway through my day I decided that once the husband was home from work, and the children were fed and bathed, I would go to Kmart. Unless you’re new here, you already know how much I love Kmart. In fact, you probably already know that I go a little bit crazy for Kmart. And because I was preemptively going crazy, I almost forgot to get some sh*t sorted. Gah!

    Cue me yelling at my children because I wanted to sort out the top of the biggest kid’s wardrobe, but the biggest kid’s bedroom floor was covered in sh*t. Cue the baby crying because I was too busy yelling and attempting to sh*t sort to pay proper attention to him. Cue the husband yelling because the baby was crying and it seemed like someone was doing something to upset him. Cue me yelling some more because the husband was yelling and the baby was crying and the sh*t still wasn’t sorted and I just wanted to go the hell to Kmart. Yes, it was all very dramatic.

    img_0864

    The good news is that we got there in the end: The kids cleared off the floor and I cleared off the shelves. The baby stopped crying. The husband washed the dishes. And then I gave my people kisses and apologies and I told them I loved them. And then I went to Kmart.

    img_0865

    I was at Kmart for over two hours, and I bought enough stuff to fill the biggest kid’s wardrobe right back up with sh*t again. Out with the old, in with the new…

    – Fern xxx

  • 100 Days Project
  • Sorting Sh*t Out – Days 83 and 84

    Unpacking and Repairing

    The day this project started I didn’t have a project plan. I had nothing. I’d signed myself up, but hadn’t committed to anything. I had ideas, but nothing concrete. And so, in desperation, I just went with this whole sh*t sorting thing, because I figured that I may as well go with the one plan that would see me removing junk from my life, rather than adding junk to my life. And so it began…

    Later that same day I realised I couldn’t upload more than one photo to the 100 Days website, unless I made my photos into a collage. And when I made my photos into a collage the thumbnails showed half photos. And then when I tried to add paragraph breaks to my caption I found that the website just ran all my words together in one big clump, which I simply could not deal with. Nope. So I decided I’d better just share my project here, on my blog. At least that way I could control all the things.

    The problem with the way this project has unfolded, is that I kind of feel like I’ve been forced into this whole thing. And some days I just don’t want to write about this sh*t. I don’t want to write about it because there’s nothing really to say. Because I don’t know how to make it funny anymore. Because I want to be more than just some frumpy old mother of four who tidies up her house. Is this the real Fern?

    The problem with finding problems with my project now, is that it’s kind of too late to just stop. It’s day 84 of 100. There are only 16 days to go. And there are also a lot of people who have been inspired or motivated by all my sh*t. I mean, that’s what I’ve been told anyway. My friends say that their friends have been talking about me. In a good way. I don’t know if it’s actually true, but that’s what I’ve heard…

    Anyway. This is all kind of off topic, but I guess I just wanted to share those thoughts, because I didn’t bother blogging yesterday and I feel kind of bad about it. But I also don’t feel bad about it at all. So once again I am a walking contradiction. That is the real Fern.

    img_0857

    Yesterday we got home from a night away. Yes, one night. I’m an overpacker. And usually I’m an anti-unpacker. Usually.

    img_0858

    Now that I’ve got my sh*t sorted out I have become a person who unpacks right away. Properly. This project has changed me.

    img_0860

    Did you notice the lamps in those first two photos? Hopefully not, because I didn’t want you to notice them. But now I am pointing them out, because I actually sorted them out today.

    img_0861

    I also superglued three of the fingers on my left hand. Not together, but there is glue all over my fingertips, which is making everything feel weird. I’m also beginning to wonder if this could be a good way to get away with murder: Just superglue all your fingertips so you don’t leave any fingerprints. It would probably work (but murdering people is bad, so don’t try it, okay).

    img_0863

    img_0862

    If the lampshades fall down again I’m going to scream. Or maybe I will just buy new lamps. I’m sure the husband would appreciate me spending a little more money.

    – Fern xxx

  • 100 Days Project
  • Sorting Sh*t Out – Day 82

    My Phone

    This weekend we are doing something we very rarely do: We are taking a trip out of town and visiting a zoo and going for a ride on a steam train. It’s strange to think that some people do stuff like this on a regular basis, because this whole experience has been a Very Big Deal for us. Also, it has been Very Expensive. But that’s just what happens when you have four children.

    So anyway, because we are away I was kind of secretly thinking to myself that maybe I just wouldn’t sort any sh*t out today. It was a nice secret thought, but also it wasn’t, because it made me feel bad. So then I thought, I’ll just sort out my phone then. And that is what I did.

    photo-1

    I did not have very much storage space left because I have a lot of apps I don’t use, and a lot of photos I never look at just sitting there. Aimlessly. Wastefully.

    It felt really good to go through everything and delete all the crap. Okay, not all the crap. But a lot of it.

    photo-2

    I still need to delete more photos and videos. But I just can’t bear to do it without checking whether or not I’ve got them backed up properly. I never got around to setting up that whole icloud thing, so basically if I lose my stuff, then I really will lose my stuff. And I would feel bad and sad and mad if I lost stuff that included the footage of my last ever baby wriggling around inside my belly, or the photo of my first ever baby showing off her gappy grin after losing her front teeth.

    Besides, I’m basically on holiday right now. I’m kind of impressed that I even bothered to write this blog post.

    – Fern xxx

  • 100 Days Project
  • Sorting Sh*t Out – Day 81

    The Boys’ Clothes

    Things I don’t want to be doing on a Friday evening: Talking about, thinking about, or writing about domestic tasks.

    Things I am doing on a Friday evening: Talking about, thinking about, and writing about domestic tasks.

    Sigh.

    Is this project over yet?

    img_0839

    In today’s enthralling installment of Sorting Sh*t Out, I went through my boys’ drawers and swapped out the wintery clothes for the summery clothes.

    img_0843

    The most exciting part was finding the Christmas themed PJs. I freaking love Christmas.

    img_0852

    The least exciting part was everything else. But guess what, I still did it and I didn’t even complain. Not out loud anyway.

    img_0853

    I actually took a photo of every single drawer, both before and after my sh*t sorting. In total there were 16 photos. 16 different photos of the contents of my kids’ drawers. I trust nobody is disappointed that I didn’t share them all. I mean, you must have more going on in your life surely. Please tell me you do.

    – Fern xxx

    P.S. I actually slacked off on all domestic duties today in favour of filming myself. It’s really quite enjoyable. This is one of the two videos I made (the second won’t be uploaded until December):

  • 100 Days Project
  • Sorting Sh*t Out – Day 80

    The Photo Wall

    When we moved into this house I was 38 weeks pregnant with my third child. Said third child was born exactly two weeks later, which is really no time at all for a family to settle in and unpack and make a house into a home. And yet somehow I managed to do that. While being a full on preggo. I know, I know. I am amazing.

    One of my crazy nesting preggo visions was a photo wall. It would be black and white and brilliant, and I would keep the photos up to date at all times…

    img_0836

    Obviously the photo wall happened, but the up to date part? Not so much. Most of these photos are from two years ago. Or more. Oh yeah, and also two frames have fallen off the wall, and so has the word Family. It’s okay. We don’t need a word on the wall to remind us of what we are.

    This morning I was very excited at the prospect of getting new photos printed for the first time in forever. Alas, the excitement was short lived, as the useless staff at the useless photo printing shop forgot to give me all my photos. And because I am useless too I didn’t even think to check whether or not they’d given me all my photos until I was back at home with my sleeping baby (toddler).

    Let’s just say I got v. mad and I said the F word v. much.

    But anyway, the photo wall looks like this now…

    img_0837

    With a little more updating to be done when I receive my forgotten photos in the post.

    – Fern xxx

  • 100 Days Project
  • Sorting Sh*t Out – Day 78

    The Linen Cupboard

    You know, it’s days like today that I am reminded just how lame this whole project sounds. I mean, here I am blogging about tidying up my linen cupboard. And it’s not even the first time. I have already written a post about how messy this cupboard is (was) and how I managed to (half) sort it out. Seriously, what the hell has happened to me? I used to be cool. I used to be fun. I used to talk about things that were actually interesting. And now? Now my life is housework. Ugh.

    Okay, so that last line is a gross exaggeration, but you know what I mean. Like, if someone went up to 23 year old Fern and said, Oh hey, in ten years’ time you’ll have four kids and you’ll be blogging every day about cleaning up your messy house, I probably would have asked that someone to shoot me in the head. I guess that’s why nature hasn’t allowed us to time travel…

    So anyway. The linen cupboard. It was messy.

    img_0815

    img_0817

    Not super bad messy. But messy enough.

    I took a lot of sh*t out of the cupboard with the intention of giving it away. I took some sh*t out of the cupboard with the intention of storing it elsewhere. I took the rest of the sh*t and refolded it and restacked it and then I made little notes so the husband will know where to put the things when it’s his turn to refold and restack. He helps out with the washing, you know.

    img_0819

    img_0818

    I am very happy with my lame linen cupboard. I am even happier that I got to do some more water blasting today. I am a little bit obsessed with water blasting now, I just didn’t want to blog about it again. For your sake.

    – Fern xxx

     

  • 100 Days Project
  • Sorting Sh*t Out – Day 76

    This morning I woke up feeling like a winner. I mean, I’ve been such a good girl lately and have been achieving so much around our sh*tty house that it’s getting kind of hard to not feel awesome all the time. Don’t worry, though, because Miss Six brought me crashing back down to reality.

    I was in the bathroom, towelling myself off after a quick wake-me-up shower. There was a knock on the door. A knock. No one in this house ever knocks.

    I’m not gonna lie, I half expected to see a murderer when I opened the door. But no. It was Miss Six.
    The tooth fairy didn’t come, she said. And then she cried. Well, okay, cried is an understatement. She sobbed. Full body, shuddering sobs. And I gotta tell ya, I wanted to crawl into a hole and die. I am the worst.

    The good thing about being the worst is that it makes you want to work really hard to prove that you’re also the best. So this morning I dropped the kids off at school and kindy, and then I came home and did the washing, and deep cleaned the kitchen (I mean, I scrubbed the oven and everything), and made some jam (yeah that’s right, I made my own jam), and then I realised it had stopped raining enough for me to venture outside and play with my waterblaster again. So that’s what I did.

    img_0804

    I wanted to do the front of the house. It’s not really the front, but it acts as the front, because this is where our guests arrive. It looks sh*tty.

    img_0805

    Our gutters were green. Green! I hadn’t even noticed until I started in on this whole water blasting thing. How embarrassing.

    img_0812

    It’s all cleaned up now though.

    img_0814

    See?

    I even did the pathway. But I didn’t take photos of that. I kind of wish I had, because I don’t feel like these after shots are impressive enough. If you’re disappointed in me then I understand. I am the worst, after all.

    – Fern xxx


    This is a video of me making jam. You may find it mildly amusing and slightly entertaining. Also, you can learn how to make jam without sugar. It actually tastes good, I swear.